“Have the Talk of a Lifetime”

By: Rick Snider

The consumer-education program, Have the Talk of a Lifetime, launched by the Funeral and Memorial Information Council (FAMIC), is gaining significant exposure.   We at Baker-Hazel & Snider Funeral Home, feel that it’s very important to encourage and help families take the time, prior to one’s death, to discuss and record the memories and stories of one’s life, which will be significant in beginning the memorialization process. 

Our experiences in life are all unique and different and our legacy will be remembered and shared as we talk about everything.  We share all the stories about events, trials and victories.  But the important discussion you probably haven’t had is how we want to be remembered.   I am a third generation funeral director and I know through 30+ years of experience, that the conversations we share about our life with our loved ones, will help us make decisions regarding how we want to be remembered.

Memorialization is so much more than it used to be and one’s life story through memorialization will begin the process and transition of comforting and healing.

For four generations and 73 years, we at Baker-Hazel & Snider have promoted the importance of pre-arranged funeral arrangements. We have hired a Pre-arrangement Specialist, Josh Koehler who is a licensed Funeral Director, who has trained to guide families through this story telling process and memorialization by planning this significant event that will affect and involve family and friends.

Now is the time to talk with your family, and generate your story, and make these important plans, which will help your family during this transition from life to death.

 Josh Koehler, Pre-Need Specialist 

                                                                                           Need Assistance call 937-274-1151

Losing A Child

June 2014                                                                                                                          

I wanted to share this topic for the month of June because it has been on my mind a lot recently. I, myself love to read blogs along with posting on my personal blog. A month ago or so one of my favorite bloggers lost her little 3 years old boy. He was hit by a truck and died. As a parent, reading other parents thoughts and words about death is terrifying.  This accident is just horrifying and every parent’s worst nightmare.  I have never even met this family. However, I feel like family since she has been so expressive through her blogging career. I have turned to her for recipe advice, Mothering advice and DYI ideas.  The thing that she is afraid of the most now, is how to “Not be a Mommy”. She is struggling with the thought of- “Am I a Mom still… or Not?” The answer is Yes, once a Mom always a Mom.  Every day is a challenge for her to live without her son, he was her life. Some moments are better than others. She recently is starting blogging again about how she and her husband are getting through the hours.

Being a funeral director we have unfortunate deaths like this. Working here since 2010 I have only experienced a hand full of young, unexpected deaths. Every single one of them is a challenge on the professional’s part as well as a tragedy and unexplainable hardship on the families’ part. There are no words that can fix this. I just have to be a good listener and a guide for the family.

Recently, we had a service for a young man and his Mom explained that she knows God has given everyone a gift. One of those gifts is the 2 arms on our body, so every time you see her, she asked that you wrap those arms around her. She made it clear that the only way she will get through this is the support of her family, friends and God.

I have a few resources that might be able to help you, if you have experienced a loss of a child or young person. I hope these books or websites can help you.

Resources:

Books-

The Death of a Child, Reflections for Grieving Parents by Elaine E. Stillwell

Why, by Ann Graham Lotz

How to Go on Living When Someone You Love Dies, by Theresa Rando

Healing Grief, by James Van Praagh’s

The Shack, by William P. Young

Chicken Soup for the Grieving Soul

Healing After Loss, by Martha Whitmore Hickman

Living Still, Loving Always, by Nita Aasen

When Your Child Dies by Theresa Huntley

The Bereaved Parents, by Harriet Sarnoff Schiff

Websites-

http://www.openbible.info/topis/loss_of_a_child

More books and helpful tips-

http://www.sympathysolutions.com

Green or Natural Funerals

Green or Natural Funerals 

resources: Green Burial Council

“Green” or “Natural” funerals is an emerging alternative to traditional funeral practices.

The definition of “Green” or “Natural”, as related to funeral service, is the concept of caring for the dead with minimal environmental impact that furthers legitimate ecological aims such as the conservation of natural resources, reduction of carbon emissions, protection of worker health and the restoration and/or preservation of habitat.

There are many different shades of “green” in reference to the type of end of life services that are available.

Green or Natural funerals may include viewing, burial and cremation.

A casket, urn or shroud may be suitable for a green or natural burial if it is made from materials or substances that are non-toxic and readily biodegradable. These materials should be made from materials that are harvested in a manner that does not unnecessarily destroy the habitat.

Families may opt to have a viewing prior to the burial or cremation. There are alternatives to formaldehyde available to preserve a body for viewing purposes.

Natural, Green or Ecoembalming is defined by use of non-toxic, non-hazardous, safe, practical, ultra-low environmental-impact acceptable for natural or green burial and cremation. These fluids are readily biodegradable capable of fulfilling the Modern Tenets of Embalming as follows, public safety, temporary sanitation, cosmetic restoration and temporary preservation.

Ecoembalming uses non-toxic, non-hazardous, eco-safe fluids for temporary preservation and sanitation of the deceased for viewing purposes.  

Active chemical components of the ecoembalming fluid include essential oil ingredients.

Cremation may be considered green or natural because it reduces land use since the remains 

do not need to be interred.   

The funeral directors at Baker-Hazel & Snider Funeral Home & Crematory will work with you and your family to customize a green or natural funeral, burial or cremation. 

The Green Burial Council has a Planning Guide available on their website, www.greenburialcouncil.org, to help in the planning and facilitation of green or natural funeral services. 

Prearrangement Information

Source: Aftercare Resource Guide from Funeral Directors Life Insurance Company 2013

As you know, when a loved one dies, the family is faced with making many decisions at a difficult time. But you can spare loved ones from the burden of having to make these difficult decisions with a little advance planning. By planning ahead, you can give your family peace of mind knowing that the difficult decisions are already taken care of, ahead of time. There is no cost when planning ahead--it is a free service that we offer to the families we serve. You may come in anytime or have one of our representatives meet you to put your plans in place. You have experienced the pain of loss, but your loved ones can be spared the additional pain of worry, confusion, and doubt at a time of grief. Planning ahead is a tremendous gift of love and benefits your family in many ways. 

The Benefits to Prearranging

1. Your Family: The most important reason for prearranging your funeral is to spare your family the worry of having to make important decisions at an emotionally difficult time. During this stressful time, even the most sincere desire to create a fitting tribute can result in emotional overspending and other regretful decisions. 

2. Peace of Mind: You may have special wishes concerning your funeral arrangements. Our Thoughtful Decisions Guide will provide you with a document showing your wishes in writing. You can go over each section with your family, making decisions such as favorite hymns and Bible verses together. With this guide, you know everything will be taken care of according to your wishes. 

3. Saving Money: If you choose to pay for your prearranged services now, you may also ease the financial burden on your surviving loved ones. Remember, estate planning is incomplete until you have taken care of funeral prearrangement. Throughout your life, you have given thoughtful consideration to the important decisions you have made. You have prepared for those things that might happen by taking out fire or health insurance. Doesn't it make sense to prepare for those things that will happen?

Please don't be misled into thinking that the military, the veteran's organization, Social Security, Medicare, or Medicaid will take care of final expenses. These organizations will be helpful, but they will not completely erase all the expenses involved in an untimely death.

Important decisions about your funeral service should not be made at the last minute. Your family will be under the most intense and difficult emotional stress of their lives when they face the reality of your death. The way to reduce this is to make your wishes known, in  advance, with our Thoughtful Decisions Guide. With this guide, you can go over your wishes with your family and make sound decisions in the privacy of your own home. The guide can then be securely filed with our funeral home. 

When you decide to prearrange, you may wish to speak to one of our funeral arrangement specialist. They will be available any time to answer any questions you have about prearranging, such as:

             1. What if I move after I have prearranged my funeral?

             2. What if I prearrange in my community and then die away from home?

             3. What if I change my mind about my arrangements?

Knowing your wishes were made in advance can bring peace of mind to you and your loved ones. Prearranging your funeral or cremation service is a decision you make, but it's a decision that will affect all of the people you love and who love you most. We invite you to come by or call us for more information about your prearrangement options. 

Source: Aftercare Resource Guide from Funeral Directors Life Insurance Company 2013

Aftercare Guide

Aftercare Guide

What To Do When A Loved One Dies

The loss of someone close to you, especially a spouse, parents, sibling, or child, is an extremely difficult time in many ways.

You might be experiencing feelings of intense grief, sadness and loss. It may be difficult to do even small everyday tasks like preparing meals and going to the store. Just when you think you're coping well, a memory might trigger your grief to return even stronger than before. The most important thing to do during this time is to be sure to take care of yourself. Eat well, get a good night's rest, take walks, stay healthy. Let yourself experience your grief and don't try to stop it. The only way to get through your grief is to let it run its natural course. 

When a loved one dies, there are also many practical matters that must be attended to. Financial organizations must be notified; government offices must be visited; credit card and insurance companies must be contacted; legal and personal affairs must be settled. Dealing with these practicalities may seem like more than you can handle in the first few weeks following the death of a loved one. Pace yourself and take it slow; though these are important matters, it is more important that you give yourself enough time to come to grips with your loss. 

We hope that this guide will be useful to you as you begin to settle your loved one's personal affairs and update your own. This resource guide is designed to provide you with information about filing for benefits, taking care of financial obligations, and settling legal affairs. If you need help with any of these tasks, don't hesitate to ask for the assistance of a close friend or relative. We also would be glad to help in any way we can. 

Veteran's Benefits

When a veteran dies, the surviving spouse may receive a Veteran's Administration allowance as partial reimbursement for an eligible veteran's burial and funeral or cremation costs.

Service-Related Death

If the death was service-related on or after September 11, 2001, the VA will pay up to $2,000.00. If the service-related death was on or prior to September 10, 2001, the VA will pay up to $1,500.00

If the veteran is buried in a VA national cemetery, a portion or all of the cost of moving the deceased may be reimbursed.

Nonservice-Related Death

For nonservice-related death, the Veterans Administration may provide a limited amount of compensation for burial and funeral expenses and/or transfer of the body, depending on eligibility. Please contact the U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs Office at 1-800-749-8387 or visit their website at www.vba.va.gov to find out if you are eligible for any benefits. 

Headstones- Markers- United States Flag

All veterans with an honorable discharge will receive a flag and military honors. A deceased veteran, discharged under any condition except dishonorable, is entitled to a standard Government-furnished headstone or marker. Upon request, at no cost to the surviving family member, the VA will provide the headstone or marker for the gravesite.

Flat markers are available in granite, marble, and bronze. Upright headstones are available in granite and marble. The style must be consistent with existing monuments or markers at the burial site. 

The VA will provide a United States flag, at not cost, to drape over the casket or urn of a deceased veteran. Only one flag is provided per veteran. Generally the flag is given to the next of kin; however, the VA will furnish the flag to a friend upon request. 

VA Benefits for Surviving Spouse

One of the most difficult tasks for a survivor after the death of the veteran is the completion of numerous claim forms for VA survivor benefits. To help facilitate the claims process, below is a list of documents you will need to bring with you to the VA office.

1. Proof of veteran's military service (Form DD214)

2. Service serial number or Social Security Number

3. Veteran's birth certificate ( to determine parent's benefits)

4. Veteran's death certificate

5. Marriage license ( if applicable) or divorce decree

6. Children's birth certificates

7. Government life insurance policy

For further information regarding veteran's benefits such as who is eligible and what forms need to be completed, please call the U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs or visit their website at www.vba.va.gov.

SOURCE: www.vba.va.gov

Social Security Benefits

When a loved one dies, there are certain things you need to know about survivor's benefits. You should immediately contact the local Social Security Office and apply for survivor's benefits because in some cases, benefits may not be retroactive.

How Much Are the Benefits?

Social Security pays out a special one-time payment of $225 to a surviving spouse or eligible child or a qualifying recipient. Additional monies due will depend on the earnings of the deceased. The more he or she paid in Social Security, the higher the monthly benefits. 

Who is Eligible to Receive the Monthly Benefits?

Social Security survivor benefits can be paid to your:

1. Widow or widower- full benefits at retirement age or older, or reduced benefits as early as age 60. A disabled widow can receive as early as age 50.

2.Widow or widower- at any age if he or she is taking care of your child under the age of 16 or disabled. 

3. Unmarried children- until the age of 18. Your child can receive benefits at any age if they were disabled before the age of 22 and have not recovered from their disability. 

4. Dependent parents at the age of 62 and older.

5. Divorced Spouses- a divorced spouse is eligible to receive survivor's benefits at age 60 ( or 50 if disabled) if the marriage lasted 10 years or more. The divorced spouse is also eligible to receive benefits without meeting the length-of-marriage requirement if he or she is caring for the deceased's natural or legally adopted children under the age of 16. 

Source: Aftercare Resource Guide from Funeral Directors Life Insurance Company 2013

Snider Connects with Peers at Annual Meeting of Selected Independent Funeral Homes

Austin, TX, October 16, 2013—Rick Snider and Abby Snider-Robinson were among the many funeral service professionals attending the 95^th Annual Meeting of Selected Independent Funeral Homes in Austin, TX, October 16-18. Snider is the owner of Baker/Hazel & Snider Funeral Home in Dayton.

“I always value the opportunity to gain new information and insight on how to better serve my client families and community,” said Snider. “Selected’s meeting provided valuable opportunity to gather with my fellow members of Selected Independent Funeral Homes from across North America and around the world. We participated in a variety of informative study sessions, discussed insights and shared new ideas that I’m excited to implement.”

Meeting sessions focused on important issues concerning the funeral service profession such as innovative service ideas, timely business advice and best practices.

Founded in 1917 as National Selected Morticians, Selected Independent Funeral Homes (www.selectedfuneralhomes.org) is the world’s oldest and largest association of independently owned funeral homes. Members of the association are expected to operate according to specific standards and best practices in order to provide the public with reliable, high-quality funeral service and funeral-related information.

“Our members pledge to uphold the Selected Independent Funeral Homes Code of Good Practice and are committed to the important responsibility they have to the families and communities they serve,’’ said Robert J. Paterkiewicz, Executive Director of Selected Independent Funeral Homes. “It’s a tradition of trust that Baker/Hazel & Snider Funeral Home has been a part of for 25 years.”

Why to have a Funeral

Why do we have funerals?

It never hurts to examine why we do what we do. Every day, the staff at LakeRidge Chapel and Memorial Designers works to ensure that major life events go off without a hitch. But behind all the hustle and bustle of arranging for flowers, transporting remains, and washing vehicles, what is going on? What is the purpose of a funeral?

“Funerals are important because they set us on the road toward healing,” says Santos Moreno, owner of LakeRidge Chapel and Memorial Designers. “They help us come to a place of acceptance and renew our sense of hope after a loss.”

Each aspect of the funeral service plays an important role in helping those who grieve, Moreno went on to explain. The different parts of a funeral are able to work together to help those who are grieving process their emotions and come to terms with the death of a loved one:

Viewing/Visitation

A visitation takes place before the funeral and is a time to gather together with family and friends to receive their love and support. Often, a visitation includes a viewing of the body. Seeing and spending time with the body is an important step in the healing process; it helps us acknowledge the reality of the death. As the initial shock and denial begin to wear off, we start to come to terms with the death that has occurred. We are also able to receive the comfort of our closest friends and loved ones and activate our support system.

The visitation helps us come to the funeral service in a clearer frame of mind, ready to listen or even participate. For many families, the viewing or visitation is one of the most significant and defining moments of the funeral service.

The Funeral Service/Memorial Service

A good funeral or memorial service truly reflects the unique personality of the person who has died. It is best if the officiate who is chosen has personally known the deceased. Often, friends and family also get up to share their memories or thoughts in honor of their lost loved one. They might share a eulogy, a song, a story, or a letter written by the deceased. A video tribute or special music might be played. Funerals give us time to confront our grief and emotion. All too often in our society, we are discouraged from experiencing our true emotions. We are told to “let it go,” or “move on” when we’re really not ready to. These words are very unhelpful when all we want to do is remember. The funeral service is our chance to work through the pain of our loss, and fully experience how much we will miss this important person in our life. We feel the void left behind, and search for meaning in the loss. The service, whether religious or not, should offer hope and words of comfort to those left behind.

The Procession

The procession takes place after the funeral service as mourners make their way to the burial site for the committal service. It is a powerful symbol of our mutual support of one another and a public honoring of the deceased. It is a truly touching moment when we see those who love and care for us travel alongside us on our journey to say our final farewell. Sometimes symbolic actions speak much louder than words.

The Committal Service

The committal or graveside service is our opportunity to say our final goodbyes. Usually a speaker shares a few parting thoughts and mourners may place a flower or special token on the casket. The committal service brings closure to the funeral as we see our loved one laid to rest. 

The Gathering

Following the committal service, an informal gathering usually takes place in which friends and family continue to share memories and express their condolences after the loss. Normally, a meal accompanies this gathering. It is often a time of gratitude and thankfulness for a life that was well-lived. Slide shows, personal anecdotes, photos, and memorabilia are often shared, and usually the family emerges from the funeral experience with a sense of hopefulness and a knowledge that life continues to unfold, even in the face of death.   

A Note on Cremation

If cremation is chosen as the method of final disposition, all of the phases of the full funeral experience can still be incorporated. A viewing can be held along with a funeral service and procession, only the body is taken to a crematory rather than a cemetery. Just as with a committal service, a few words may be said with the chance to say final goodbyes before the cremation takes place. Afterward, the cremated body may be buried, scattered in a scattering garden, placed in a columbarium, or kept at home in a decorative urn.  

Final Thoughts

For thousands of years, we have sought to memorialize those who have gone before us, from the great ancient tombs of Egypt, to the modern Vietnam Wall. To remember and be remembered is a basic human need. That is why we have funerals. To honor, remember, and cherish the life of those we love still, even after they are gone. It is amazing how the funeral tradition that has developed over the years does just that. It helps us remember; it helps us begin to heal; it helps us move into a renewed sense of hope after our world has been turned upside down.

From F.D.L.I.C